8 Tips for Maintaining Your Queendom


Being a woman gets real. Between our nurturing nature forcing us to sometimes put others over ourselves; our bad hair day vs good hair day struggles; taking time to get ourselves right for our first date with the man with potential; trying to find the perfect products for make-up contouring and skin care; and us trying to regulate our emotional impulses as to not scare off anybody - be it with random tears or a random attitude - womanhood can be quite the task. And while there's no real way to control/regulate/predict/handle/manage all of the things we face, as women, below are a few things that can help as we transition from being a lady, to being a queen.

Own three black dresses
You never really know when you'll need a quick outfit for an interview, a date night or for both on the same day. It's imperative to have one professional black dress, one happy hour black dress (that can also be used for a "put on something nice, we're going out" surprise date night) and one that can be used for both - you know, when the work day has completely drained you and you need to head straight to your favorite place for a glass of wine and tapas, without being too overdressed. Things happen. Plans come up. Be ready. Always be ready.

Be modest in your attire 
It's much more admirable to be liked for your character, than for your clothes (or lack thereof). We do not have to show the world what we're "working with" to get attention. While we may work hard to maintain our curves and spend money to push things up in the right places and suck things in in others, we do not have to let it all be seen. A properly fitting midi-dress is more alluring than a see through mini-dress. Never forget that.

Be humble in your achievements
As we continue to embark on our quest toward womanhood, we will begin/continue to accomplish many things. I've always been an advocate for letting my work speak more than I do. While being proud of your achievements is normal, bragging about them should not be. People will notice an amazing woman and a great worker when they see one; you do not have to throw it in anyone's face. Please, let your work speak for itself. Let your influence be all people need to see. And well, if for no other reason because The Bible says so: "For everyone who exalts himself will be humbled, and he who humbles himself will be exalted" Luke 14:11. Trust me, you don't want God to humble you.

Find happiness in the small things
I know I'm not the only woman who's walked by with thoughts on my mind that are on display, thanks to my facial expressions. I also know I'm not the only one who's walked by a guy who insisted that I "smile, ma". At times it may be a little annoying ("if I don't want to smile today, I don't have to!") but the truth is, our smiles really brighten rooms; and even when things aren't going our way, smiling can change our entire mood (and sometimes someone else's). Recognize that there is always something to be happy about - and if you run out of things to apply that to, reference the fact that you're still breathing. That there is enough to forge a smile during your morning stretch while you struggle to get out of bed at 6 a.m.

"Who dat, shoe dat"
That really doesn't mean anything, it just sounded catchy. As women we know how important shoes are to an outfit. A nice burgundy pump could do wonders to a professional pencil skirt and button-up look. However, we must also pay attention to how important shoes are to our feet! Ladies, heels are not the most comfortable things in the world, but please learn to walk in them. If you cannot, opt for a cute pair of flats. The cutest pair of pumps will do nothing if you're wobbling over and holding on the walls to walk by. While we may all admire what some nice heels can do for our legs, let's look at the total package. If it doesn't work, don't do it.
  BONUS TIP: find a comfortable heel. I have these 4" peep toe booties that I can wear to everything; I wore them to church one Sunday, IN THE SNOW, like they were a comfortable pair of UGGS. I also have a nice pair of black ankle strapped, 6" heels that are more than just 3-hour shoes. After a night of dancing and hanging out, I can still make it up the steps and in the house with them still on my feet. Now that's an accomplishment! Needless to say, not all heels are comfortable, but there are some that can withstand the day. If you can find those, hold on to them! 

Learn yourself
Because no one should know you better than you. Why do you get mad at tardiness? Why are you so frustrated at the sight of lizards? Why do you yell when someone doesn't understand you? These are important things to dive into. We all have triggers. We all have something that changes our mood and shifts our world. We all have fears, doubts, worries, concerns, and insecurities that we must tap into, in order to get over them. Learning yourself isn't just about recognizing who you are or who you hope to be; learning yourself is the purest form of discovery. It means tapping into the part of you that you hate visiting. Learning yourself is going to the darkest places of your life and finding enough light to spread throughout it. Learn yourself so you can begin to repair whatever damage may lie beneath. Learn yourself so you can get rid of whatever issues are lurking in the crevices of your Queendom.

Be loving
Both to yourself and to others. There is nothing more Queen-like than being loving, caring and kind to those you love and those you may not be very favorable of. The most effective way of loving others, is first loving yourself. How do you expect to know how to treat others when you struggle with treating yourself right? How can you promise to love someone "flaws and all", if you have a hard time accepting your own flaws? Learn yourself then love yourself through it; and do the same for others. Find joy in all things. Love all people (even those who hurt you). Be kind to everyone.

Surround yourself with like-minded & motivational women
This may easily, be the most important aspect of growing in Christ and in the Queendom. Don't be afraid to befriend women who are a little ahead in life than you. Be it professionally, spiritually, physically, mentally, or academically, these are the women that can push you. Find fierce friends who can help you increase your own fierceness. There's no easier way to be better than to surround yourself with those who are also trying to be better (or those who are already better). You are a constant work in progress, finding people to help you continue to progress is important!  Your friends do matter. Find a mentor. Find an accountability partner. Find women who are on a similar pursuit to join the journey with. It'll make all the difference. 

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