He Who Finds A Wife


You may have heard of that popular scripture before. "He who finds a wife finds a good thing." It has two implications: 1. that the man is to do the finding (and consequently, the pursuing); and 2. that the wife is the good thing. 

I won't use this space to draft a sermon on the matter, but instead to inspire the women who may have forgotten how powerful their influence is. The women who may have grown tired of waiting. The women who may have forgotten that the weight of their crown won't ever be too heavy for the right man. 

What I find most often is that we want to be found so bad that we indirectly do the looking. We go to the parties, cookouts and community meetings to be found. We attempt to position ourselves in the paths of men we think would be good for us. Professionally astute men with degrees and fancy cufflinks. We seek, find and wait to be found. We prop our booties on bar stools or church pews and bat our eyelashes to the handsome guy across the room, hoping that he'll receive us as positively as we'd like to receive him. We find them first, so they can find us. 

He who finds a wife...

STOP LOOKING FOR YOUR MAN. No matter how much you try to disguise your attempts, you trying to draw a man into you, you trying to trap a man, and you actively seeking a man is you looking for one. The scripture says nothing about women seeking out to be found by the man, but simply that the man is to find her. The man is led by God to his wife, when he is ready and properly prepared. The man is sent out to seek his wife and once found, the man obtains favor from the Lord.

The issue with women looking for men, is that 1. you're not allowing the man be the man and fulfill his role; and 2. that you're approaching and finding men that haven't yet been completed. He has not found and is not looking for a wife because God is still working on him. You finding him, won't make him any more prepared and it won't make you any more of his intended wife.  

Instead, much like the man, you should be being prepared in Christ. Instead of focusing on how your body arches and shapes when you lean on the bar, you should be focused on preparing yourself as a woman of God and potential wife. Because the scripture says: 

He who finds a wife...

He sees you're great at dancing on beat and taking back those tequila shots, but are you good at balancing check books and budgeting? Do you know how to nurture his personal, spiritual and emotional needs and manage yours? Can he trust you to run his business? Can you at least make him a homemade meal? Do you clear the Kool-Aid packets from the cabinet because his sugar consumption has skyrocketed, and you care for his health? Can you straighten his spiritual walk when he's tempted to go astray? 

HE IS LOOKING FOR A WIFE. Not a fling, not a situationship, not a friend with benefits - a wife. He is not just looking for a beautiful face, a nice body or to be sexually enticed. A Godly man, a man of nobility and faith, a man seeking divine majesty, a man worth marrying is seeking a wife and nothing less. Evaluate yourself. Dig deep and find out if you're as ready as you're leading yourself to believe. It's time to acknowledge that without exhibiting wifely qualities, your husband will not show. Because he wants a wife, and no matter how many hints you throw, if you're not a wife, none of them will matter. 

The Bible is filled with definitions of love, godly women and wifely-ness that you can use to check yourself. My suggestion: start with Proverbs 31:10-31

He who finds a wife, finds a good thing.

YOU ARE THE TREASURE. Queens, do remember you are the treasure that brings the man favor. When he finds you - as his wife - he obtains favor from the Lord. You are his blessing. You are valuable in his life. Stop feeling unworthy or invaluable. Stop feeling like he won't acknowledge your worth if you don't force feed it to him. 

You don't have to prop yourself up on anything, be heard to be seen or rub him on his shoulder to get his attention. A man will acknowledge a treasure from afar and know it's worthy of whatever he has to give. A true gem will shine, even in darkness. A man close to God, will know when he sees you, that you're his wife. And trust me, you don't have to try to be seen, for him to see you. 

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