Reality Check: I Believe


It was exactly one week ago. I was running late. When I arrived, I pulled a chair up to the table, sat down and immediately whipped out my notebook. The prompt was "I believe". The discussion began as people rattled off things they believed in.

"Love, life and liberty." "The pursuit of happiness." "Karma." I kept silent. I decided to read the room first. It was a small intimate crowd, all seemingly connected. Me, I was the outsider. I didn't want to say the wrong thing, and I didn't want to say the right thing - the thing that'd require me to speak longer than I'd felt comfortable.

The moderator prompted us to select the one thing we believe in and elaborate. She gave us 10 minutes to write our thoughts before she encouraged us to share them. Share them?! We have to share!?

I grabbed my pen and wrote. I scribbled. I scratched things off and wrote new things down. I got caught up in having to share and then let it go. My final thoughts came together. As all over the place as my feelings usually are.

People tell you to believe in yourself. They encourage you to speak victory and seek confidence. They tell you that in order to do anything you have to say "I can" more frequently than "I can't". And while I believe in the power of the tongue, I don't think that's enough. Because there are times that I don't believe in myself. There are times when no matter how much I say good things or how loud I may yell my positive affirmations, they're just not enough. There are moments where my "I can's" are drowned out by the impossibility of the task. There are times where my "I believe in me's" are just words I say to get by - because that's what I'm supposed to do. 

So more than just believing in the power of the tongue, I believe in believing the tongue. I believe in the true power coming from that belief. And, I do, undoubtedly believe in God's power. Perhaps that's all the belief I need to believe in me. 

I didn't want to share. I didn't want to display my rebellion by reading about how much I don't believe in myself (sometimes). No one wants to hear that, ever. But it's true; and I believe in truth. 

The conversation continued. Everyone owning their beliefs. Everyone releasing a little bit of their truths. Everyone adopting new beliefs and believing in the power of each other's openness. I kept quiet. Read the room a bit. And began to start my process of owning my beliefs. Because while we all believe in different things, there's beauty in believing in something, even if it's not yourself.

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