Worth the Wait


November 2, 2016: The Closer The Better. It was the second prompt of last year's #30Layers30Days challenge. (That can be read, here) A whole 365 days have passed. Since then, there has been dysfunction, destruction, and loads of distraction. A lot has changed, yet so much has remained the same. How the hell does that happen?

This year has had its run of bad days and unbearable nights. Swollen eyes and overwhelming circumstances. But I've lived through all 365 of those moments to make it to today. To write about it...share it...express it, in yet another #30Layers30Days challenge.

Last year, I was closer than I'd ever been to: Christ, happiness, love, and the life I dream. This is true of every day I live—every passing hour brings me closer to that prosperity, though this year was more reminiscent of me drifting further from that. “It’s all in your mind, Zoe,” I’d whisper to ease my anxiety.

Within the last 6 months, alone, I dealt with this blog not being where I wanted it to be, my relationship not manifesting into what I want it to, my professional endeavors not turning out how I'd hoped, and this spiritual walk being more challenging than I'd ever imagined. This year taught me nothing but patience and perseverance. It taught me that prosperity, though preordained from God, isn't just going to be tossed into my lap. It reminded me that everything I desire takes work. This year chewed me up and spit me out. I lost friends, my (very first) pastor, my relationship, pieces of myself, my sanity, quit my job, considered giving up this passion of mine, and offered everything I had up to Christ. I was tired, pressed and to' up. But this year I also got baptized, received divine confirmation about that relationship, received my first blogging award, presented at two conferences, got a new (more amazing) job, confirmed my professional plan, pieced myself back together, healed, helped, and grew.

This year has been both trying and triumphant, and through it all this journey taught me about the process. The wait. And, how every single moment of it is worth living. Worth indulging in. Worth learning from. Every single part of this winding road is worth the gas and mileage. It's worth the tears, the anger, and the purging of oneself. It's worth the uncertainty and relinquishing the control I tightly clenched.

I often question when my time will come. When everything will be in alignment. When it'll all come together. I ask why it hasn't done so yet. What's taking so long. And, how can I make it move quicker. I’m still awaiting an answer.

Much like last year, I am inching closer to where I ought to be; however not as swiftly as I desire. I'm realizing, though, that all things are coming together as they should. While I continue to work tirelessly to improve my life in all of its complicated facets, I'm learning that the things that aren't happening on my time are simply being perfected. That I am still being prepared. That God is still aligning His miracles in His time—not mine. And, in the midst of it all I'm recognizing that it's all worth the wait.

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