Two weeks had gone by before I thought of something new to write; before I even considered the need to write. Titles came to mind but content didn't come out. So instead of living to write, I've just been living. I've been experiencing. I've been absorbing, all the beauty, destruction and lessons that have been surrounding my life and this country. I've taken it all in. And over these past two weeks, I've attained a perspective very different than one I had before. Instead of beating myself up for my absence from this space, I praised myself for my presence in the world.
While I can write all of [my] life's lessons on here, and share nuggets and tidbits for getting through your phases, there are some things I simply can't 'teach'. There are some perspectives I cannot offer you, as in many ways, we are different. While I wish I could coddle you in an isolated queendom where we could constantly pour into each other and get each other through, I simply cannot. Because there are some things you have to experience yourself. Some pieces of life that advance advice just wont help with. Some moments you'll just have to feel – with every bit of pain and sadness they may bring. There are some emotions you'll have to go through and some struggles no blog post or article can get you out of. But there is so much beauty in that.
There's beauty in you creating a story of your own, rather than emulating the stories you've been reading. There's life in living your own and not the ones you've been watching. Because this life – that you apply this advice to, that you learn to make better, that you struggle to advance in Christ's name and that you strive to make better than any life you could imagine – is yours to live. And it's yours to experience.
At some point, you'll have to put down the self-help books, the self-help blogs, and the inspirational podcasts, and you'll have to indulge in life. You'll have to apply the lessons you've been studying. You'll have to do the things you've read. You'll have to make decisions and fight the good fight. At some point, you'll have to disconnect, you'll have to take action, and you'll have to see if life will fall apart, or if it'll fall together.
There will be a time where you – whoever you may be – will need to do this on your own. You didn't need a new post. You didn't need another story of my experience to get you through yours. Instead, these last two weeks were for both you and I to experience life on our own. To learn our own lessons; to internalize them. To write them down in our own private spaces, and to grow from them in our own homes. Because while uplifting to get through things together, there will be times where we need to do it on our own.
So over these last two weeks, as I struggled to come up with gems to write, I was coming up with gems to live.