When I started this brand seven years ago, I never thought about a goodbye. I never wondered what it would look like to end something I had such a grand vision for. I didn’t think I’d be here forever, but I also didn’t think I wouldn’t.
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The new year presents an opportunity for many to shift course and change directions. As people draft tailored goals to achieve and new things to attain, others reflect on what they want to leave behind. As Michell Clark shared in his latest Instagram video, in order to make room for what’s to come, you must identify what to release.
You must let go of some things to create space for new things.
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“What’s one thing I should let go of to improve my life?,” the question read.
We were playing a game I purchased a couple weeks prior.
“Release your need to control everything,” he responded, not having to think too long about it. I let this settle into my spirit along with the various other messages I’d received that week about control.
God was clearly telling me something.
But how would I relinquish something that seemed to positively serve me more than it harmed me? The answer was simple…
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When I was young I used to have the most ambitious dreams for my future. I wanted to work in the wildest professions, have the biggest house, and be part of the most loving family.
As I got older, my adult dreams started to become a little less wild and a little more realistic. I didn’t realize this until I achieved what I once thought was my life’s professional goal well before my anticipated completion date.
I was both excited and confused.
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Between ages 26-29 you couldn’t tell me a thing about myself. I was full of love, comfortable with who I was, and shooting authenticity to whoever would catch it. But as I neared the end of that decade and A-town stomped into my 30’s, God began exposing the hidden things within me.
Those dark spots made me uncomfortable.
As more and more of my flaws and vulnerabilities came flooding to the surface (with God’s full intent to heal me from them), I started to cower in fear. Luckily, learning this one thing helped me face that fear head on.
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Challenging times can take a serious toll on mental health. Now more than ever we must make mental health a priority. Since many of us have a bit more time, can we use some of it to work on improving mental health or even trying a new self-care technique? Can we potentially make lemonade out of this COVID-19 lemon?
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“You focus so much on protecting yourself that you end up hurting people’s feelings in the process.”
It took a while for those words to settle into my spirit. At first I was resistant. “He doesn’t know what he’s talking about," I said sternly to myself as I unpacked the laundry from my car. But the more I recited them in my head, the more I realized how true it was.
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This journey hasn’t been as soft as you thought it would, huh?
Instagram makes it look so peaceful, as if this awakening presents itself carefully and graciously. No one tells you how it’ll whip you around. How it’ll toss you back and forth between knowing yourself and having no idea who you’ve become. Between being pleased with your growth and utterly confused at what’s happening to you.
No one tells you the pain that comes from pushing through the soil so victoriously. But truly it’s worth it, and below are a few things I’ve learned about that journey toward victory.
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“Don’t ‘all lives matter’ your brand,” she said.
I’ve been feeling uninspired for the past year and a half, so I decided to find solace in other outlets. I decided to sharpen my gift as a writer on other major sites. It was fun getting paid for my gift; fun writing about a slew of topics that didn’t connect to the mission here.
It was fun until it wasn’t.
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Since I started this blog I used every moment as something to share. People’s lives were changed because of it…but I also didn’t have enough time to dissect my own lessons because I was too busy flipping them into a lesson for others. So Instead of harboring on 2019 and what I endured, I want to focus on the future. Here’s an ode to holding on to the good, letting go of the old, and carrying forward a better, stronger me.
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2019 is coming to an end. And when I think about the reality that we’ll be starting a new decade, I begin to freak out a bit. I don’t remember time going this fast when I was younger.
Regardless of how quick the years seems to be going, I’m excited for what’s to come. See, I’ve been on this wild journey of creating an incredible life for the past few years, and as each one passes I feel a little bit closer.
As this year closes out, I’ve already begun reflecting on what I want for the next one…or ten. And if you’re anything like me, you’ve probably started that work too.
You’d be surprised by how many people go into new seasons with no plan, though.
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It was in 2010 when I realized that establishing work friendships was important. I had started working at my second internship which was — at that point in my life — the closest to full-time work I had experienced. The office was preparing to launch a major initiative that my co-worker and I were hired to coordinate. Both of us were college students. Neither of us had any experience doing something like this.
While he and I grew closer, I found myself retreating to an older black woman to help me process and handle the hardships of the project.
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About a year ago, I wrote about how the constant chase for more is ruining our present moment. Many overachievers tend to bypass the enjoyment of their current moment, in pursuit of what’s next. This is, admittedly, a habit that’s hard to break. With constant reminders of how short life is, and how great everyone on the internet seems to be, it’s no wonder we’re all rushing to reach our destiny.
Time is running out!
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Being taught “you have to be twice as good to get half of what they have,” was the beginning of my perfectionism. The saying that permeates the walls of black homes taught me two things: 1. I need to work extra hard, and 2. I cannot mess up. A microscope was on me, as a black woman, to do things right and to do things well.
This became evident in all my professional roles.
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I do not like woods or wildlife. Animals frighten me, and I’m not particularly fond of bugs. But when my co-worker invited me to check out his workspace, as part of my on-boarding, I was in full support. I was familiar with his location since, in the past, we’ve utilized his beautiful outdoor oasis for events. The last time I’d been there, spring had just started breaking through. The grounds I’m most familiar with resembles camping space—there’s a barn, a firepit, and an ‘in progress’ fire pit. It’s a beautiful space. This particular time visiting, I was interested in him taking me through the garden that I’d never seen and hearing him explain the development of the space itself.
That’s certainly how the meeting started, before it took its turn.
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I wrapped up a client meeting and went to meet a few friends from college for drinks. These guys were my lifeline during my last two years. I didn’t quite trust many women—most of them wanted to be my friend to gain entry into my sorority—so I resulted to my amazing roommates and these guys. We dubbed ourselves the “frat house”, and I was the first and only lady every admitted to the crew.
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I had a conversation with God shortly after my utter depletion a few months ago. I had been fighting a battle that wasn’t mine and He was adamant about reminding me of that. My complete exhaustion was the first reminder, His words were the second.
“I didn’t tell you to do any of that,” He declared as I ranted to Him about all I had done to get me out of the situation I (still) found myself in.
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Since graduating college, I’ve been on a pursuit of arriving at genuine happiness. I wanted to learn how to fill my days with some of its best moments. I didn’t want to relish in the inevitable upsets or disappointments, rather, I wanted to find a way to be happy each and every day. This didn’t come without qualms, though.
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