Lessons From Love (N. Simone)
“I love you”. It’s a three-letter word that comes with so much meaning. The word love to me embodies selflessness, trust, gentleness, self-control, and honesty. In this day, and age, sometimes we have a tendency of passing those three words around as if love is disposable. I learned that someone can speak so softly those three words, but their actions show none of it.
I fell in love with who I thought was a male who could love me, all the parts of me. I believed that he signed up for the good, the bad, and the ugly. But I was mistaken. I learned he just had a way with words. A man with words, but no actions.
I replay these two questions from a Kehlani song in my head daily. “How is the man of my dreams, not a man of his word? How is the man for me, just a man that makes me hurt?” Am I crazy for believing that the unconditional love from another human is out there? Am I crazy for believing that the love I’ve seen in my parents and grandparents is even out there? We carry these voices in our heads and forget the true voice inside of us that knows, without a shadow of a doubt, that love is real and can be found.
I learned in my lesson from love that I like to fix people. I wanted to fix him. I wanted to teach him to love himself through the love I gave him. This resulted only for him to go love somebody else. I realized that he already loved himself, he just wasn’t capable of loving me. I took my self-love and deposited it all within him. I felt he would magically mold to who I thought he could be. To the person I had faith he would become.
Healing from this love was tough. Feeling like you aren’t good enough for someone. I immediately put the blame on myself, consumed with what I did not do enough of. Sis, it is not our job to fix anyone! You can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make the horse drink. This statement is true for relationships. As you are dating, when you see red flags in the beginning, take heed to them. Know what you can handle, and are willing to tolerate. If you are looking for a man of God, allow his actions and time to prove whether he is a man of God or just a good man. If you are seeking a provider, a protector. Make sure this man has these qualities before you get in deeper with him. Give it time, because what’s in the dark will eventually come to light. The hardest part of my healing, was digging up the missing pieces within myself that I searched for in him. I found my joy, my peace, and what I thought was the missing puzzle piece in that human when it should have been found within first.
God always gives us experiences for us to learn from, and my lesson from love was just that. Don’t beat yourself up for loving someone who was not capable of loving you. Be grateful that you were able to give the love that you did, because you now know how much love you are able to give to the right one that will be blessed with you. Patience is key. Allow the counterfeits to come and go, learn from each experience that God is just molding you and pruning you for the love that He has for you. Allow God to break you down, and build you back up for the one who truly deserves you. You are enough. You are worthy of the love that God has for you. The right man will handle you with care. The right man will be secure not only within himself, but be secure in the woman that you are now, and the woman that you are to become.
“Your body is your house of healing. Be mindful of the connections that you are weaving in and out of your spirit” – Minaa B.
N. Simone is a 25-year old resident of Virginia. She's dedicated her life to being a servant to God and to others. Her prayer is that her piece is able to bring healing and light to other women who have experienced hurt, or are going through it right now. "This too shall pass," shares N. Simone. She believe that nothing in life comes without work. You can connect with her via Instagram at @natkingcolee.
Honoring the collective voice of womanhood, the Lessons From Love series was created to provide a community of support for women currently in love, or healing from love. The series will use personal narratives + testimonies to empower women to make effective dating decisions and to pursue the love they rightly deserve.