How to Stop Chasing New and Start Enjoying Now
About a year ago, I wrote about how the constant chase for more is ruining our present moment. Many overachievers tend to bypass the enjoyment of their current moment, in pursuit of what’s next. This is, admittedly, a habit that’s hard to break. With constant reminders of how short life is, and how great everyone on the internet seems to be, it’s no wonder we’re all rushing to reach our destiny. Time is running out!
As an overachieving black woman guilty of this mindset, I’m just now learning how to break free from that mentality.
How do I honor my journey right now, without feeling pressured to think about my next move?
How do I enjoy where I’ve come from, without feeling the need to rush to what’s next?
How do I continue pursuing more, without ignoring the abundance that I’ve already been blessed with?
These are just a few of the questions I ask myself daily to help soothe the self-induced pressure to constantly produce, pursue, and perfect. Reconfiguring my mind in that way hasn’t been easy, though. In fact, learning to slow down has been one of my biggest challenges this year—and I am just now beginning to master it. For those of you on a similar journey, or interested in welcoming a new level of calm into your own life, here’s what has helped me settle into my current moment, without feeling anxiously compelled to hurry off to the next.
Express gratitude daily
I know; everyone says this about everything. But, there’s an heir of truth as far as I’m concerned. Expressing gratitude is a practice of mindfulness that allows you to center your thoughts on the goodness that currently exists in your life. This habit, not only reminds you to be grateful for those things, but also reminds you that happiness exists in the present, and not just in the future like your ambition might implore you to believe.
Through self-assessment, I realized that my desire to constantly pursue newness, was rooted in the belief that my life will only be good enough once I achieve. Ironically, no matter what I achieved, my life felt the same.
No matter how much goodness comes into your life, it’ll never feel good enough until you find time to appreciate it. And interestingly enough, once you start to appreciate it, the less compelled you’ll feel to obsessively rush off to something new, and the more likely you are to actually enjoy the goodness right in front of you.
Embrace the learning opportunities of the present moment
When I started slowing down I started recognizing tons of opportunity for personal growth. Life happens every day whether we’re intentionally achieving or not, and part of us embracing life happening lies in our ability to welcome the various learning opportunities that present themselves. When I took time to sit in stillness, I started seeing various gaps in my life — especially in areas that I thought I was ready to move on from. The learning opportunities that became available upon recognizing those gaps made me want to pursue deeper revelation in my current place before moving on to the next. They made me want to sit still and continue to grow in that present moment.
While people often relate stillness with stagnancy, I want to be clear that it is not the same thing. In fact, stillness can be just as intentional and strategic a move as the pursuit can. When I became okay with the fact that, stillness too, is an action item, I was able to embrace it and its lessons. And truly, that lack of movement didn’t feel so…lacking…after all.
Learn to be happy now, not later.
The “arrival fallacy” is the idea that once we arrive at a particular destination, we’ll be happy. Studies show, however, that we tend to overestimate how happy our arrival will actually be. Too often, people spend their lives chasing a destination with the anticipation that it’ll provide the happiness they’re pursuing, while simultaneously avoiding happiness right where they are. Instead of repeating that vicious cycle, I decided to find happiness in every moment, as opposed to waiting for the moment.
I dove head first into identifying what actually made me happy. What could I spend my time doing endlessly? What energies make me most excited? What activities made me smile most and laugh hardest? What type of people did I enjoy spending my time with? I learned to identify what happiness looked like in my life and how to curate it.
Happiness doesn’t have to be as much of a forethought as people think. No matter your circumstances you can find it and create it right where you are—you just might have to get a little creative.
It’s been a challenge trying to simmer down my ambition to actually enjoy the life that’s in front of me. But it has been incredibly necessary with the way I consume — and ultimately, enjoy — life.
Are you ready to stop running on the hamster wheel of achievement and start actually enjoying your life?